Black Wings, The Conclusion

*Black Wings continues with a slightly longer conclusion. Thanks for reading!

quote from black wings
Image designed by Ericajean using Canva

Everything about her is so tiny, so fragile. Her lips are the perfect bow shape-tiny. Her fingers, long and slender-tiny nails. Her face, a small heart shape- tiny eyes the shape of almonds, with milk chocolate irises. Her hair floats behind her like a big cloud, her skin is the color of night without stars, but her small teeth are perfectly white, glitters in her face. And she does not know she has my heart in a vise…

Ricky was about to follow Cara out into the storm when several hands grabbed at him. “You’re going to be crowned the king! Come on!” Several girls pulled on his arm. They were cute girls. Trim girls. Wore the same makeup girls. Plastic girls. Not really mean, just cookie cutter in order to make it.

“I have to find Cara.”

“Who?” asked one them in a huff. “Stop playing around. If Trish sees you out here trying to find another girl, she will dethrone you so quick.” The girl with dark hair snapped her fingers for emphasis.

Ricky pulled away from her. “She and I aren’t dating. We just…I don’t know.” He shook himself. “I gotta go.”

“During prom?” The girls screeched. “This is important, Ricky! Stop playing around!” The blonde one wearing  a beautiful sequined dress.

Something tugged at his heart. It was beginning to ache. Cara was out there, probably trying to do something stupid. Here he was arguing about being “king”.

In a split second decision, he decided to go look for Cara. She couldn’t have gone far.

Sprinting across to the EXIT, with several swear words following behind him, he burst through the double doors, still smelling the Sweet Pea lotion Cara wears but the wind and the rain were brutal. The scent was quickly sliced.

Rain came down like small swords. Sluicing and wetting up everything. It sounded like rocks being thrown outside.

He did not care.

Where did she go in this night?

A bright yellow dress shouldn’t be hard to miss.

He crossed the intersection where cars were backed up, horns honked in frustration and the freaking streetlight that never gets fixed, remained on red for a while.

Then he saw the hair, like wings flapping behind her. The yellow dress clinging to her tiny body as her small feet kicked up mud and puddle water.

Without thinking, Ricky chased her. He’ll be damned if…if he see this. Witness this.

Within a few steps he caught up to her. Instead of touching her he raced ahead of her and stopped, turned to face her,causing her to bump into his chest.

“What are you doing?”

“You tell me. What are you thinking running out into the dark like this?”

“I can if I want.” Her lips were wet with kisses from the rain and her small eyes, cat-like eyes he now realized, looked at him with iron anger. “What? Afraid I’ll catch a cold?”

“That and the fact that this part of town is dangerous.”

“So?”

“So?” Ricky wanted to hug her so bad. Let her know it was alright to be different and that some people were just anus holes. She was the darkest girl in the school but the prettiest. The girls and guys knew that too and would admit it if they weren’t chicken.

“I can’t just let this happen.”

Cara crossed her arms over her, defiant. “I don’t get it. You are the most popular boy in the school about to be crowned. For your beauty. Your talent. They are probably waiting for you right now. You are out here, chasing me. You sure you aren’t on any drugs?”

Ricky laughed. “I am not on drugs and to hell with prom crowning. They can have it.”

“I gotta go,” Cara said resolved, turning from him.

But Ricky couldn’t let her leave. Not like this. Not right now.

“Cara listen to me! I think you are very beautiful! I- I think you are the sweetest girl I’ve ever known and smart too.”

Cara kept walking away but this time he caught up to her, gently pulled her elbow to turn her around and face him. “You don’t have to do what you are trying to do.”

“What is it I am trying to do?”

They both stood there, rain beating their faces and bodies. The wind whipped harder but Ricky put less distance between them, placed his hands on her shoulders. Her scent sweet and bright, like her dress, like her eyes.

“I watched my mom do it. Said she was going to the bathroom and will be right out. Dad and I waited half an hour. Silence, Cara. Silence! Mom never came out. All I remember…” Ricky was glad for the rain to mask his tears. “All I remember was her dark hair disappearing in the bathroom door, a piece of it caught in the doorjamb, but she didn’t know or care. Then the sound of something falling. Life was too much for her. So instead of thinking of me and dad, she thought about herself. Focused inward so much, we became, maybe caricatures to her. Expendables. Our hearts still beating, bleeding for her and we know she’ll never come back.”

Cara was silent. Listening to Ricky was a mistake.

“My essay, Black Wings? From earlier this week was about her, Cara. When I was ten that was all I

bird flying in the sky
Image of bird flying found on Unsplash.com

remember. Her dark hair, flapping behind her like black wings and disappearing behind a freaking bathroom door. Only to lose her moments later. She flew away from me and dad. I wish I could tell her she was good enough. Better than enough. I wish I could bring her back.” He swiped at his eyes. “She basically killed our soul, Cara. That is what suicide does to those who love you.”

The cars zoomed past them. All it would take is one toe out in the street. A quick dart out and then finally she can be away from this dark world. Maybe in her next life she’ll be light and pretty.

His eyes got to her though. Those kind green eyes held a special sadness. A permanent sadness his mother put there.

“Sorry about that, Ricky.”

Suddenly the rain slowed and Ricky put even less distance between them, his hands slid slowly down Cara’s arm, his forehead touched hers. “I will not let the next person I care about, do the same thing. I don’t like people leaving me, Cara.”

Cara looked up into Ricky’s face. This was wrong. Very wrong.

“You have another life Ricky. Go back to that school!”

“No!” He hissed to her lips. “I am not leaving you out here. We go together to the school or we stay together here. I will not lose anyone else!”

“Please. Let me do this. I know I will be free if I can do this. The one thing I can do right.”

“No.” He tipped her chin up so her eyes could meet his. “I want to tell you something, I’ve been trying to say all year. I couldn’t write it in the card but-”

“Card?”

“Yes,” he smiled and finally ran his hand through her thick, kinky hair. “The cards you’ve been given.”

You put them cards in my locker?” Her eyes narrowed at him.

“I slip them in there from time to time.”

“You write nothing on them though,” she chuckled. A small smile, a small feat achieved. Her smile literally broke through the storm. He could watch her smile and hear her laugh all day long.

“I am about to, just listen. Please.”

Cara rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t step away from Ricky’s strong touch. Their bodies were now pressed together as if they were two halves of a heart. As if they were lovers.

“Cara, you sit near me every day in English class and never look my way. I don’t think you notice me. You carry yourself around as if your skin is a heavy burden or bricks to be laid down and you sag in your seat, absorbing class material like a computer. Your eyes are never trained on me, the teacher or class and I find myself wondering: Who is this girl that no one matters to her? She walks alone to class and from class. Her head is down sometimes and most days it is up, not in snotty manner but as if she is a Queen and aspires to be so. I could only hope to be the lucky guy on her arm.

I know you feel like an ugly duckling and that the world does not look at you or admire you. But I will let you in on a small secret. When you are not looking, it is your scent that makes a few of us guys sniff the room. It is your smile that causes a small gossip to erupt amongst the jocks, the secret longings of their hearts exposed in closed locker rooms. The girls sometimes look your way and the next day they upgrade their hair and makeup. One girl in particular tried to befriend you the other day in the cafeteria, she heard that you like Star Wars. Instead you nodded politely and went back to eating, regal as can be because who would really want to talk to you?

Everyone, Cara. Everyone wants to talk to you including me. But I want more. I want more than your talk, I want your lips on mine. I want more than for you just to see me, I want you to gaze at me. I want more than just a handshake from you,” he trailed his hand down her arm to her hand. “I want a hug.”

Cara was speechless.

Before she could say anything, Ricky put his lips on hers, startling her. He kissed her with the feather light touch of a painter’s brush, or the kiss of sun after a stormy, rainy day. A hint of heat and softness.

Ricky knew this wasn’t enough to stop someone from disappearing. What if one day Cara was no longer enough for him? Will she pick up where they left off? Somehow, he knew she’d be in his life forever. She was a treasure to him. Confessing his heart was all he could do. To save her.

For now.

**Author note: I truly hope you enjoyed this story. It dropped in my mind one day as I was waking up. I thought, “Hmmm, what if a girl who felt un-pretty met a very beautiful boy who sent her blank greeting cards?”

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Dying to Return by Trish Marie Dawson(a review)

Dying to Return by Trish Marie Dawson
Dying to Return by Trish Marie Dawson

Dying to Return(The Station, Book 3), Trish Marie Dawson

Amazon eBook Edition(2016)

Read on the Kindle App

5 Stars

****************************

Intended audience: Bookworms, book reviewers, suicide survivors, teens, young adults, librarians, Trish Marie Dawson fans

This book was delicious, sincere, enlightening and whatever good and wise adjective you can come up with. I really have been enjoying the Station Series by Trish Marie Dawson this summer and feel I have learned a great deal.

After Piper Willow dies, she finds herself at the station as a Volunteer, helping the living by inhabiting their consciousness and encouraging them to make the right decisions.

In the midst of her helping, she finds out she has an interesting gift as a Seer and by the end of Book 2, she leaves Sloan and Niles to go with the dangerously beautiful Andurush, to receive training and also to learn a bit more about Andurush’s(Rush’s) world.

And this is where Dying to Return, picks up. Piper experiences many emotions all at once and even finds herself confused as to whom she should love, because while her heart is with Sloan back at the Station, she feels it being tugged in another direction…

And this part as well as other parts of the story is what will keep you up at night reading.

Check out the really cool interview I had with Trish Marie Dawson recently!

My Reaction:

All of Trish’s books so far have helped me to understand more about people and their choices and why the Station is created. As Piper learns eventually,

The Station…it’s a place that moves us from one way of living to another. That’s all.”(location 1788 of eBook)

It is not just a place where the dead goes.

This book tugged on my tear ducts. The beauty of the writing and the character of Andurush grew on me. I did not like him in the second book because I was unsure of what he was and he did come off as pompous.

But the banter between him and Piper lights up the page and his interaction with his family softened me up a bit towards him.

The description of his home planet is plain gorgeous. Movie worthy.

Now, the issue of dying and suicide plays a big role in The Station Series. I like how Trish used her imagination and research together to create memorable moments and thought provoking ones.

A few unlikely reunions happens in this book that shocked me, and the book made me miss my father and mother in law who passed away some time ago. Not from suicide, but reading The Station gives me hope that they are somewhere else, still “living” but in a new way.

Love isn’t meant to be easy. Even after you die.”(Location 1696 in eBook)

IMPORTANT Side Bar Note and FYI:

Trish Marie Dawson has a lot of fans and great reviews of her books. But one of her blog posts caught my attention last night. A reviewer thought that Trish was glorifying suicide in her books and I’d like say that if you read all of her books in The Station series, that is far from the truth.

The Station series has not glorified suicide AT ALL. If anything, the hard childhoods of many of the characters and the difficult choices and pain they faced leading up to their suicide, creates a big heartbreak after killing themselves.

Her young mind had no idea one little bullet would steal her away from the short life she was given-forever.”(quote from Dying to Return)

Trish’s books have taught me to empathize with people when they are going through.

And if you want to know the key themes that stick out in Book 3, it is Love and Forgiveness(Redemption). Those are very powerful ideas.

In sum, this is a wonderful series and I will be getting Book 4, Dying to Know really soon!

Please share this post and/or discuss it. I’d love to hear from other bookworms and the general audience on this topic!

 

All the Things We Never Knew by Sheila Hamilton (a review)

All the things we never knew, Sheila hamilton
Image courtesy of Seal Press

*Book received for free from Netgalley(an uncorrected proof)

If you have ever lost someone to suicide, then this memoir told from not just a radio personality, but a widow who did not know- sheds light and hope on the issue.

“But how much of David’s behavior was the illness and how much was the stubborn(SOB) doing exactly what he pleased? Where did the illness begin and the self disappear?”(63)

 In All the Things We Never Knew, radio personality/reporter, Sheila Hamilton recounts the somber details of her husband’s descent into severe mental illness and eventually his suicide. Their romance begins sweetly enough with passion and curiosity. But there are some things about David that Sheila mentions yet stores away as normal or “just his personality”. Kind of reminds me of another book I reviewed recently.

But there is some foreshadowing of her husband’s illness on the day of their wedding, as witnessed by Sheila’s sister.

My reaction:

As a reader you are aware of how the story ends-obvious from the blurb. But getting there- going through the sludge of hurt along with Sheila as she experiences the pain of her husband’s infidelities, his confusion, warped behavior and outbursts of anger and how utterly alone she is- is brutal to the senses.

It is almost as if she tries to make her way inside his mind and comes up against locked doors. Just what is wrong with David?

Her story is the story of many. Stories of why would someone you love commit suicide? David leaves behind a beautiful daughter, friends and family. But Sheila does not leave us in the dark completely. Her book is part memoir, part warning. There are helpful sections before each chapter which highlights a certain aspect of bipolar disorders, statistics and other helpful information.

5/5 Stars

Book Title: All The Things We Never Knew

Author: Sheila Hamilton

Publish Date: October 20, 2015 Uncorrected Proof

ISBN: 978-1-58005-584-0