Book Review: ‘Why Men Hate Going to Church’-A Book After This Woman’s Heart

Thomas Nelson(Book Sneeze)

Before giving the spill by spill review of this book, I’d like to say I personally do not believe a person has to go to church to receive God in the first place(I have my own reasons for this), however I wanted to really hate this book. I truly did, but I’ll break down the review into parts similar to the framework of the book’s contents so you can judge for yourself.

David Murrow broke the book into three parts: Where Are the Men? Church Culture vs. Man Culture, and Calling the Church Back to Men.

In Where Are the Men, Murrow states, “When a lion roams free, a  bit of chaos is inevitable-and it is the only way to capture the hearts of men”(Murrow, 2011, p. 52). It is little wonder that on a Sunday morning most men prefer to golf, fish, or go to the bar. This isn’t wrong in my eyes and I am a woman. He wants freedom! Women, mothers, and wives typically participate in the worship services, talking with each other and enjoy the long sermons. Men do not. Murrow has dug into some research and compared this complex to the mars vs. venus psychological dynamic: Women are more relational, nurturing, and sensitive…these are not mars/men’s traits at all. However there are some men who defy this and are excellent communicators, nurturers, musicians, etc. Murrow isn’t after them though.

In Man Culture Vs. Church Culture, Murrow uses nail biting wit(I laughed a few times!) to illustrate how churches these days violate the “man laws”. These man laws include using words like: “personal intimacy with Christ, “let’s hug”, or going into churches filled with frilly flowers and “women decor…” Men do not like this. In a nutshell, the church has to fit into man’s culture. No long, drone out sermons or frilly dolled up communion tables, keep it short and sweet and please don’t ask men to hug each other(the author gives tips on appropriate hugs).

In the final piece “Calling Church Back to Men” Murrow offers funny but brilliant ways to help infuse men back into the church and even has a testimony of how a leading woman pastor has increased church attendance of men and women. She began by removing “feminine words…” these seems to help a lot as we get caught up using words like Fall in Love with Jesus and men are singing this and little boys/teenagers are turned off by this. No matter how we color it, a man singing that he’s faling in love with another man is not cool and he will NOT attend church anymore.

As for my opinion? I enjoyed the book so much I shared some insight with my own husband and I kind of think like a man already when it comes to church so he and I are usually n the same page(!). We worship locally and fellowship with others without the actual church attendance and we do not attend “church” religiously. My husband did however point out that “flower arrangements show God’s creative side. He made the flowers so there shouldn’t be too much to hark about”

I agreed and said, “Let’s vote for more earthtones for men and leave flowers for heaven.”

Oh well.

This book was received from Thomas Nelson Publishers(Booksneeze) for my unbiased review

*Book Details and Ordering Links:

Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow

Published by Thomas Nelson Publishers(2011)

ISBN: 978-0-7852-3215-5

Price: $15.99



5 thoughts on “Book Review: ‘Why Men Hate Going to Church’-A Book After This Woman’s Heart

  1. Wow! Very interesting. I, too, haven’t been too keen on this slew of books explaining why men don’t want to go to church. It’s certainly not a new phenomenon–I remember some women sitting without their husbands growing up (now, it’s possible they were widows, since divorce wasn’t as common then, but I’m sure some of those husbands just didn’t attend). I wonder if much of the problem is that women sometimes come to Christ before their husbands, unless they’ve both grown up in Christian homes.

    I think the same things can be said for some women, who don’t love touchy-feely things like hugging or lovey songs. There’s almost always SOMETHING people can pick to complain about, even in the best churches. I personally think that if we continue tailoring church to what everyone wants, there will be nothing unique about it anymore (and indeed, studies show that this is how teens feel about church these days).

    The key is plugging in everyone’s spiritual gifts in ministries, I believe. In our church, men can join a team that does everything from putting up new roofs to building handicap ramps on houses for people in our community. They love the opportunity to do “guy stuff” together, and it reaches the lost with their compassion.

    I know that not all churches have the number of people for ministries like this, but if we recognize that spiritual gifts/abilities come in all shapes and sizes, we’re more accepting of others’ (such as the ability to be crafty and decorate things!). Just like marriage, being in a church comes down to being unselfish and not complaining about every little thing we don’t like or approve of (unless there’s a Biblical mandate for it).

    • Heather,

      I felt the same way reading this book. I told my husband about what some churches are doing to tailor it to men and you know what?

      It may start a cycle all over again with churches modifying things for others.

      Then again, can’t we all just…get along?



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